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Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in buckywhitetail's LiveJournal:

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Thursday, March 10th, 2011
3:37 am
messing up an such
well, been forever and a day scince i last wrote here, not that anyone notices.

what have i done?

moved to new york, which often feels like a massive mistake with the idiocy i keep pulling

attempted to kill myself maybe 3 times now


broke a magnificent gift of a droid phone

massacured my glasses

and continue to feel like a fucking useless dick wad

so that's my life in a nut shell

i'm a apathetic lazy ass fuck wipe
Sunday, April 25th, 2010
3:23 pm
Movings
hello there all yahs

well I forgot to mention a few things in my last post and I'm here no to fix dat.

For those who dun know, not that you care, I have moved several times from the once Phil Rahoi place, 1st to East D and now to Diamondhead Apts.

And now for the real kicker.

I'll be moving in with a wunfers in New York, state.

why is it whenever you say New York everyone thinks your talking about New York City??

yupp this little town deery will be moving to the Big Apple State.

I'm pretty exciteds cause I'll actually hopefully have my own life.

well that all I can think of ><

maybe if I think os sumptines else I'll postify it soonish

Loves deery

-Bucky
Tuesday, April 20th, 2010
12:15 pm
A trillion years
hi all

Benn a long time scince I've been here, not that I have much reson too.
Let see

Alex is now 5
Kylena is 2 or 3 D:
Mom broker her rib not too long ago (yikes)
I've been getting published ina a furry fanzine called NAF
North American Fur

you all should check it out :)

umm... went to MFF in November

it was cool sept thae part with my tummy being on fire
got new Peppy repaired

I dunno if I mentioned that or not probally did

and now I dunno what else to say

so see yah around
Thursday, July 19th, 2007
8:06 pm
The past few days
well...where to begin, eh?
After a pretty drawn out fight with cancer my father has finally passed away. His passing was on Friday the 13th of all days. No body really had a to major of a break down well maybe Jean, cince she was "daddy's girl" and all. We had a memorial service for him, he had been creamated. And more than likely I'll forget he's gone and come over to mom and dad's and ask where he is. :( but alas his suffering is done with now, i guess.
For the past week the power here at Amy's place has been off mainly because we couldn't afford it. So we went all over to different humanitairian places and got enough to pay the bill.
Sunday, June 10th, 2007
10:32 pm
All Done
Hi pawpets
deery here telling yah that Basti gone back home to uhhh... lower Michigan, heh, that and I've finally cremated her at my oldest sister, Penny, Farm. The burn was pretty wild...then the next day or later me and Basti scattered her ashed on Milly Hill in Iron Mountain in a spot where she can see the stars...and she can be a part of the great dragon of the stars Draco
all that i can think of for now
see yah next times pawpets
Loves Deery
Thursday, May 31st, 2007
2:18 pm
Forgetfulness
hey dere

well posting somethings that I forgots to updates yah with.
such as
Well you know my draggy Peppermint she had gotten destroyed, well not destroyed but burned, by the dryer...well I had planned to give her a viking like funeral involving burning her and a hand made casket...couldn't get a burning permit, to do it at home, maybe I'll do it at my sister's place out in Crystal Falls. we'll see.
But the better part of that is that I have other Peppermint's so I moved her spirit into what I like to think is her daughter..heh..I made a small heart from the other Peppy and put it in the new Peppy as well as the S.P.H (specially placed hole =^.^=) so it all good, eh?

also I've have moved sorta, I dunno if I told you that I'm living with my sister. Before we where living in this ratty apartment building. Now we are living in a pretty nice three bedroom house.

Amy will sometimes watch Jean's little girl Kylina and when her and Alex are together it's kinda interesting they seem to like one another pretty well, but since Alex is Number one baby furber he won't let her play with any of his toys.
Speaking of Alex he likes deeries and when ever he sees the heard(?), which consists of about 8 or 10 deer wonders threw the field behind the house he goes "Bucky..Bucky" giggles, cute, eh?

My Uncle John, on my dad's side, has Lymphoid cancer along with Syphilis, nice, eh? well at least he's lost about a hundred pounds from almost 400 pounds, erph, eh? My parents and or my other siblings went to his home, he currently resides in Milwaukee, Wisconsin. his place is sometimes sorta a disaster area, heh...he has lots of stuff stored ther or so i think he dose and my aunt has 5 cats I think they come and goes as they please I guess they kinda take over a apartment that's apart of his place so it's usually covered in hair or fur, i dunno I'm only giving what I've been told heh...

Oh went to my grandparent grave awhile back with Amy and put up a memorial flower thingy. I wish I could of put some Trilliums on there grave stones but I think they've all died though I dunno.
Trilliums are usually a white flower, sometimes purple, that usually grow in the woods around here usually in semi swampy areas, they grow late spring early summer and don't last to long maybe a few months if even. They remind me of my grandparents cause they grew in the wood around where they lived and as pups we where told they where like federally protected or something like that and we where told not to pick them, which of course we did XD.

Well I think that's pretty much all...hopefully XD..well told yah a story or let yah into my life once again hope yah read and hope yah enjoy yer day and what not..see yah next time hopefully, eh? heh...
Love peace huggs
Sir Bucky Whitetail First Knight of Fantasia
2:24 am
Long Time no see
Greetings all

Been awhile, eh?
where to begin, well me and Bastian have worked out things and we're back in the saddle again or well at least constently working on it...heh (not that funny)
Three people I know have died
My aunt on my dad's side died, my great aunt ,who was also my grama's neice died, the mother of my brother's wife died.
I didn't go to any of the funerals
My dad's cancer is working him away *sighs* I saw him maybe five days ago and he's lost mayby more than half his weight now his skin is starting to hang abit as well and the hospital is still burning him with his kemo *shrugs*
on to hopefully better news
My nephew, Alex is now 2, his like to say "no" and "i cute" heh and throw things at us. Wee fun, right..heh.
I've gottn a pair of antlers, which I can't use, far to heavy and awkward to wear...I've also won a fur suit mask, deery of course, so I'm going to send the builder the antlers...hopefully she can use them.
what else...hmmm.
Basti is here as of right now...hopefully I'm making him feel welcomes and wanted.
oh..I've boxed up the majority of my plushies, now I can find the floor, heh...that's always nice, eh?
still working on trying to get to MFF hopefully all that's still waaaaaaay up in the air.
hmm....oh Jean's baby girl, Kylina, is one now she don't talk much or walk yet I think she can say "ma'ma" but I'm not sure.
Well that's all I can think of for now critter furbers...enjoy yer day, night , etc..
Love Peace out
Sir Bucky Whitetail First Knight of Fantasia
Tuesday, December 5th, 2006
12:26 am
my misgivings
hi dere

well today i'm posting to correct some assumptions that i've made about Basti.
Everytime i post or write something i turn the blame to him, and i have to Stop it.
ok.....it's not that he needs the world to stop for him that was one of many assumptions i've made, what he needs are the folks that are his friends to be his friends.
and as for hatered it's not even in his being to do such a thing, i must have said that by thinking about pervious messages got my wires crossed and thaoght he wanted to hate us so he could move on towards a new future.
i tend to do this a lot think i'm solving a problem, but yet only to make it worse by twisting it and working it towards the hurt person, must be some sorta reveresed bi=polar or something.
What I've been doing lately that also needs to stop is joining up with the "others' out there who are waiting for me to join there side and say "Basti, you have to stop being such a drama queen and fix yourself, bye yourself" and that paw-pets is pretty selfish, cause freinds should or are soppost at least give a helping paw in the matter, I mean that is why they are called friends, no?
I can't exscuse the last post I made, I can't figure out why I even said what I did, must be some sorta defense mechanisum to have me layed into, I must enjoy suffering of some kind, huh?
Well hopefully in this post I've used by braincells a whole lot more thaan my pervious posts. I'm sorry basti I really want you as my friend I don't want to blame you, I guess I focus to much on my shortcoming and do nothing about them and then twist to make it your fault, I really must be insane or something, eh?
I also hope to clear up a few misconseptions of Basti, he's a warm wonderful person who has been majorly wronged and those people need to step up to the plate and except that thay have wronged him.
*huggs Basti tight
My last post was dumb, insensatuive and me wanting some sorta justification propally. I dunno I'm get so wrapped up in assumptions and other things that I don't even stop to think about what I'm writing, hopefully I've made some of it up by posting this.
Now as for is it something that as me thinking it's what you want me to say, hopefully not I'm trying to write by using my head, cause it's me that needs to move forward instead of focusing on old post and old messageing and I need to stop blaming you cause all I'm doing is hurting the both of us, and hopefully this makes up for at least a tiny bit of that.


Loves the deery
Bucky
Monday, December 4th, 2006
2:27 am
my mate Basti
hi pups

well i'm doing it again, or probally haven't stopped doing it. I'm neglecting him (basti)
why can't i do things right for him, or at least that's what it feels like.
I go by him, i'm too tired apperently cause i close my eyes, maybe i am, but i don't really see what that has to do with anything.
so he tells me that leaving the room is justification to him being boring. i don't want justfycation, i want him to be happy.somehow i guess he could hate me, cause maybe he could move on, past it.
he says we don't need to be joined at the hip, but everytime i leave him he's telling me i'm neglecting him and he wants to do the math in figureing out how much i've neglected him, which i have.
I dunno it almost feels like everything has to be about him, that the world has to stop and say "hay look Basti's hurt, help him"
i'm probally being an ass over this, but how can i make it right?
I must not be trying hard enough....
I dunno what else to say right now so I bye for now
luv Bucky
Sunday, December 3rd, 2006
5:18 am
keeping yah up
hi

been awhile, yah i know

so like what's new

well been posting to furaffinity, i soo like posting there you don't have to be red taped as deviant art....but they have this banner up for december of Fender decking out St.Nick, now I'm not one for cristmas really, but I still think they coulda came up with something better.

Alexander (my nephew) is almost two, he loves to scream, hit and all those other fun things little furburs like him do.

Jeans little Girl is i dunno cause usally i don't get much contact wif hers

oh dad's cancer is porgressing or watever, signed the papers to have him cremated a while back, was asked if i wanted any ashes, i said no. oh and come to find out my uncle (on dad's side) hes lyphnoid cancer, weee! huh?

Let's see
Oh yeah Basti my almost bf mate is basicly between a rock and a hard place, Kit is supposdly room-mate mate diched him and is kicking him out in the cold for someone who's gonna leave him high and dry....carma?
I've been trying to do my best to be there for him, it sorta feels like he makes it feel like it's never enough, now I've got to be doing more than Kit?
I'm grasping at straws most of the time trying to stay on his good side, I want him to be happy, I dunno if I can really make it happen, or I guess that's my take on it. Bastis says I blame him, I probally do or at least amit to it, it a defense mechanisim, I usally don't know what to do for him than to be there for him, which reminds me, gotta go, ok?
see yah next time
Luvs Bucky
Friday, September 8th, 2006
7:19 pm
Maybe it's just me
ok this is like an idea for a song or something i dunno sounded better in my head ^.^
so here goes

They say that in america you can follow your dreams
but as fas I've seen they must keep it seacret, hidden from veiw
Or maybe that's just me
I wish for a world where you can follow your hearts fondest desire
but it seems you could only do that if you retire, but not for you or I
thats a dream that gone bye-bye.
Or maybe that's just me
All you can do here is be some bum for hire
where you trade in your sole, dreams and desires so can make wages and tips
Or maybe that's just me
Someday in the future maybe they'll realize, that all can do is wish and aspire
but that's not today where maybe you'll get burned in a grease fire
Or maybe that's just me


well there yah go something that was rondomly floating in my headnow writen out for all of you to veiw
Try to follow your heart and live the never ending story
Loves Bucky
Saturday, September 2nd, 2006
11:52 pm
sometimes i wonder why ibother
hey
been wondering if i should even keep drawing
not like it's gonnatake me anywhere
not that it matter
guess I'm bummed out right now orsomething
guess kit and basti are now just roomies and sometimes get in each others fur
fwe nights ago they where fighting
maybe i'm just bored
who cares
whatever
Thursday, August 31st, 2006
10:49 pm
News and other fine things
well... where to begin eh?
yeah..it's been a while scince i posted
I'm not lazy just forget full
back in July i got to see Canada day in the soo that was kinda cool
spent those days wif dah funx it was nice.
Lets see Alex my nephew has bottle rot of his theeth (whatever dat is)
he's about 14-15 mnths old now
Jean's little girl Kamara or something is well as far as I know (eeps)
saw my dad afew weeks ago, and if I forgot to tell yah he's got cancer or the "big c" (waswaver) andthey apperently had givin him to much kemo and his face and some of his arms looked burned ,so yeah...nice eh?, well I guess he now wants to go throught natural thingys to treat his cancer so we'll see where dat goes eh?
Yeah..now he should now how my ma feels and stuff with her psoriasas (flacky dry skin disorder) thingy.
As I've said before Peppermint has returned home (yay!!) that wasa while ago and Basti said she can or already wasa princess in Fantaisa and now kyimba, dat's my lion, he's my gaurd now cool eh? Wish I could get him moded so I can insert my viberator Basti gave me for valintines day...that would be sweet ^.^
Also I've ben put onto blood pressure medication now (wee)
so now I'm taking a 50mg of a anti anxity
20mg of a anti depressent
and 20mg of a blood pressure
plus whatever i may get for when I have to take a anti bi otic for my rotting teeth.
Chis my girlfriend is doing ok so far, she's on a anti anxity as well now XP and her mom I guess has had heart bypass surgery. I do wish Chris would stop smoking it drive my sinus's crazy >.<
That's all I can think of right now, ok?
see yah around next time, eh paw-pets?
love Bucky
Monday, June 5th, 2006
2:39 am
Peppy's homecoming
Okies
My favorite plushy is a purple draggy named Peppermint
I got her about maby 10 years ago...but that Peppy wasn't the peppy I have now, she was a lot flatter, Bastian has that peppy,My GF has one as well. My Peppy is maybe a third one that I've found who was a tad larger then the original.
Peppermint wasn't her original name I used to call her Purple dragon but that was rather impersonal, and I often thought as peppermint being purple for some reason and the song Peppermint Twist helped too.
Peppermint slowly became my first furry fantasy girl, she was 26 had an apartment and a german shepard she liked to yiff and that would excite me, at first I would try to yiff atop her and she would go flat and I'ld get frustrated and just end up pawing off, till about six or so months before I went to con I learned how to yiff her by lying on my back and rubbing her against my yifffer or maybe it's tip I'm not really sure...but the first time was a doozie...cause she burned me or what yah might call rug burn...but that hasn't stopped me yet, I wish I had taken her to con so she could have witnessed my first transfer to furry, but that is another reason why I love her so much she represnts a lot of furry to me.
I also love her beacuse unlike many things in life she was someone I could depend on count on when stuff was ruff...someone avablie for yiff and to vent my troubles too, and I never really had to "talk" to her I liked to belive we where "linked" somehow.
She also became anything I could desire, in furry she became my fantasies
It also helped that she feels wonderful against my yiffer, and now that she has a SPH I can take her within..murrs and sighs happily.
I also love her cause our yiff time is personal time where I unlaod the days cares with.
Apperently Peppermint is a Welsh hornback dragon (weird huh?)
Umm..I can't think of anything else
Thanks for letting me share bye
Loves yah all Bucky Whitetail
2:18 am
Update
Hi paw-pets
Well it's been awhile.
Let's see...well Jean's had her baby awhile back a little girl name Kylina (spellcheck)
Alex (Amos's son) had his first birthday and he was sick with a cold..poor paw-pet.
And well....My sister Emily has graduated from high school in a way.
Dad is still doing ok..althought he keeps trying to go to work (yes my dad is pchycotic)
Basti and Kit are gonna get to be husbands (hee-hee)
My GF Cougars got two new kitties (rolls eyes)
And as for me I've gotten a few badge commisions, which toatllly rocks.
That's all I can think of for now
Bye Bye
Bucky
Tuesday, April 25th, 2006
10:19 pm
A tale of Peppy
well you see I guess she was the first...if you know what I mean?
I guess she was sorta my first real freind...and well....lover...in a maner of sorts.
I mean when there was trouble or something that I thought that me parents could deal with or what i thought they couldn't deal with I went to her.
She's was sorta a vent for me in a way.
well...she let me figure things out for myself in a way...I guess...
I used to be afraid that I was using her...kinda selfishly but I guess Plushies are ment to be this way...or so I have read...I think.
I guess I was worried about that mabe I was being too selfish or too controling...I guess in a way I wanted her to be free and not just another version of myslef...if that makes sense.
Then I made up fantesies about her and then I wanted her and well I guess I assumed that she sorta knew more about sex than me and when it came to the real "sex" well she was there.
The first time was wonderful and well....then whenever I got the erge for her she was there.
She was there when I got upset over something that was hard or too much.. she was releses for me.
Peppermints name sorta came from one the candy I guess and the song Peppermint twist.
She used to be called Purple dragon or PD for short but for me that wasn't personal.
I've also sorta noticed that I'm one of the few furs who has a female plush....I dunno...just seemed natural I guess for Peppy to be a female.
If there was real furry magic out there...I hope she would love me like I love her...I just don't know yah know? And well if she could become a macros and stuff hey I guess that would be kinda bonus...hehs
Well paw-pets thanks for you time
Bucky
Saturday, March 18th, 2006
11:58 pm
Fursuiting
Hi
this was the best thing that ever happened to my in my furry life was to try out an actual fur suit. http://www.xianfur.com/furry/display_large.php?image=DSCF0104.jpg&gallery=fursuits.
That is not my suit, it's a very good friend of mine, Dyno.
That's Snowfang the snowlepord
that was so awsome..someday I'm gonna get me one.
murrs and sighs.
10:52 pm
Random Idlings
Hi kids
Well lets see yah to put today...
let's see...I got a squirrl and raccoon plush a few days ago on a plush rescues there was a collie and a raindeer I wanted to get but they where to much doubt I will be able to get them....they're in another town...but there'll be others.
Friday, March 17th, 2006
10:35 pm
Been Awhile
Hi critter
Been a bit, eh?
Well what can I tell yah. Life goes on, eh?
So...let's see what can I tell yah today...I'ld like to tell yah about being a plushifiler, but that can wait.
Just wanted to check in with yah all, and stuff.
I'ld also like to talk about my grandparents but that's for later.
And there will be other stuff soon, I promise, ok?
Kewl
Check in with yahs, later.
Thursday, March 9th, 2006
11:10 pm
Problems
Here's my current problems that I may have (thingy).
I'm currently on medication for cronic depression (that's depression that lats weeks or longer) and another for anxity.
I also have abad time with follow threw, like I don't always do paperwork for assistance, I'm very bad with this I just often don't care.
Also I tend to sabotage myself eigther knowingly or unknowingly....with jobs and relationships, Like giving smart ass commints or damaging property or paperwork and stealing from jobsight.
But even with all these faults I hope to come across as a pretty decint critter...don't judge me to harshly..for what dose the bible say "Judge not lest yeh be Juged"?
Oh..well...hope you all have a rather umm...painfree day
Bye for now
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